Conflict Coaching

Conflict Coaching is a new skill I have been learning and practicing over the past six months. Many ask me "what is it" and I have had a hard time responding.... so here is another try at describing what Conflict Coaching is and what it is not.

The best overall definition of Conflict Coaching I have found is
"Conflict Coaching is a structured process that helps people to develop and enhance their skills, knowledge and competencies to effectively engage in and manage interpersonal conflict."

• Conflict Coaching is a structured process in which the Coach helps the Coachee reach their own goals.
• Conflict Coaching is based on the value of self-determination and is a process in which the Coachee is guided to find their own solutions.
• Conflict Coaching is focused on the future.
• The Coach provides the Coachee support, accountability and leads them through a methodical process that is task and action orientated.

Conflict Coaching is NOT Mentoring, Therapy or Consultation.

• In a Mentoring relationship, the Mentor gives the Mentee advice and helps them to decide the steps they need to take to move to the next level of their development.
• In Therapy, the Therapist assists the Client to gain understanding and awareness of the sources of their concerns and/or problems. Therapy also tends to be focused on the past.
• Consultation is a process in which the Consultant is giving the Client advice in regard to what they need to do and how they should do it.

Coaching is an excellent process for those who are struggling with a current conflict situation or want to examine the way in which they deal with conflict as a whole. The process typically takes between four and seven hours and is completed in one hour sessions. The Coaching can be done in person or over the phone and one to two sessions are scheduled each week.

For more information on Conflict Coaching visit http://www.kathyelton.com/

Be Different

There are many professions in the justice system that tell people what to do with their lives.... Judges, attorneys, court commissioners, arbitrators and early neutral evaluators to name a few. The legal system also tends to tell people what they can and can't do and how they can and can't do it.... There are certain forms, timelines, formats and protocols they must follow to appropriately file something with the court.

As mediators, we have the opportunity to be different. We have the opportunity to be client-centered and support their self-determination. My experience in serving as a mediator is that parties often don't know what to do when you won't tell them what they should do, give your opinion about their situation or tell them what you would do in their situation..... Yes, they will ask.... but does this mean we should answer? I say "NO." We should reframe the moment when they ask as a moment to push them... to challenge them... to help them to think about their situation differently... OR we can be like the rest of the system and we can tell them what to do or what we think about their situation. In sharing our thoughts and opinions about their case, we take the control away from the parties once again and become like all the others in the legal system where the focus too often is about resolving the case, not allowing the parties to resolve the issues.

I hope we, as mediators, can continue to offer a different process to parties who come to us for mediation. I hope we can sharpen our skills as mediators so that when parties are at an impasse and they look to us for help... our help comes in a form that builds the parties ability to consider ways to resolve their own dispute and we don't give into temptation and take the easy way out..... telling them what to do.